Body of Work Read online

  2. Make a “Things I (We) Haven’t Tried Yet” list.

  Even though it may feel like you’ve done absolutely everything possible, there are inevitably new angles you haven’t explored and people you haven’t contacted. Making a list of these can actually be encouraging because it helps you see that there are still things that you can do to impact your results.

  Then, rather than trying to do them all, choose one that has the highest potential impact.

  3. Expand your idea of what’s possible.

  It’s easy to look at other people’s success and think it was a smooth ride. Not surprisingly, comparing ourselves with others when we’re already feeling inadequate spirals down into negativity and feeling like “it’s never gonna happen.”

  The way to nip this in the bud is to cultivate possibility thinking—to go beyond the current reality and stretch your belief of what’s possible. Jump on Google or YouTube and actively look for examples where people achieved success in the face of great odds or made a serendipitous out-of-nowhere connection.

  Immerse your mind with stories and references on a regular basis and they will become the new normal.

  Skill 3: Process the unexpected

  About five years into the Port Costa School restoration project, after countless weeks of back-breaking cleanup work, a huge rainfall caused a large tree to block a drainage pipe that flowed under the school. The entire basement was flooded, destroying years of work and tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of materials and labor.

  My dad and stepmom Diane and the community of volunteers were devastated. After dealing with the immediate cleanup, they were faced with a difficult question: Is it worth it to go on?

  Diane went to work researching alternatives and found out that the Federal Emergency Management Association (FEMA) might be able to cover some of the damage. So she wrote an incredibly long application and patiently worked the process for a couple of years. FEMA was able to cover the cost of rerouting the pipe under the school (to avoid future floods) and repouring the concrete for the foundation.

  By being creative and flexible, they were able to recover from an unexpected natural disaster and continue to rebuild the Port Costa School.

  When something very difficult happens to you, process it through these four steps.

  1. Fall apart

  Getting injured, getting laid off, losing face, or losing those you love will immobilize you in the short term. When difficult things happen, feel them. Cry. Hug someone. Grieve. It is perfectly natural to not want to get right back to business when terrible things happen. Express the emotion in a safe setting.

  2. Honor what you have

  When something bad happens, it is easy to get stuck grieving everything you have lost. While this step is extremely important, once you have grieved, you need to remind yourself of the good things you still have in your life. If you lost your job, do you still have a loving relationship with your spouse? If you experience a health setback, do you appreciate the generosity of your friends and family as they nurse you back to health?

  Sometimes it takes losing big things to realize the value of small things in our life.

  3. Never forget, but choose to create a new future

  While in the midst of a huge, painful challenge, it is impossible to imagine a new future. You want to slug anyone who suggests that “everything happens for a reason.” Yet over and over again, I have seen people rise from huge heartbreak and build a new life. My client Sarah has been working on an amazing fair-trade project with Rwandan artisans called Songa Designs. If you know anything about Rwandan history in the 1990s, you know that it is filled with unimaginable terror and genocide. Yet tremendous beauty exists in the art and economy being built by Rwandan people today.

  We can learn from those who have witnessed the worst of humanity and still choose to build the best for humanity.

  4. Be supported, and support others

  My husband’s older brother was killed when he was eighteen. When I have talked about it with his mom, mixed with tears and pain, she always tells stories about the people who were so strong for her and held her closely when she was overcome with grief. And I have seen her be strong for others who have experienced their own losses. We never know when we will be the one who does not have the strength to go on and needs to surrender to the arms of our loved ones and community members. There is no shame in surrendering, and there is great valor in holding others in times of unbearable grief.

  I sincerely hope that challenge or tragedy does not visit you or your family. But if it does, know that you are not alone. Others have experienced a similar challenge and have found a way to create a new normal worth living.

  Skill 4: Deal with procrastination and distress

  I always know right before I am about to slip into hell.

  The day starts out innocently enough.

  I brew a strong cup of Peet’s French Roast. Then I walk outside barefoot to the backyard and sit down to listen to the birds and to smell the fresh air and to see the bright sun peeking up from behind the Superstition Mountains. The stillness of the morning makes everything feel fresh and new.

  As the coffee kicks in, I think about the work I need to get done that day.

  I may need to write a part of my new book. Or course materials for a class I am teaching. Or a sales letter for a new product.

  There are always little things to do, like guest posts or book blurbs.

  The list feels feasible. The day stretches out in front of me like a slow summer day. Peaceful, open, expansive.

  After dropping off the kids, I get into the office and settle in.

  I check e-mail, open HootSuite, and look at my Twitter stream. It feels good to connect with my community and catch up on the prior night’s missed replies.

  The hour starts to slip away.

  I want to get started on my to-do list, but I know that I still have plenty of time. So I keep surfing around and get a little inspiration.

  A TED talk might fire me up, so I watch my favorite.

  Feeling good, I open Scrivener and start writing.

  But before I get more than a few words on the page, I realize that I never got back to someone interested in hiring me to speak.

  So I switch over to e-mail and find and respond to the inquiry.

  More e-mails have come in, so I take care of the urgent ones for a few minutes.

  A coaching call is coming up in about forty-five minutes, so I realize I don’t have enough time to really get on a roll and finish a project.

  And I start to feel slightly sick inside.

  Trying to shake it off, I busy myself with a bit of administrative work, none of which is on my critical and important list.

  The coaching call comes and goes.

  I call my best friend and get inspired talking about a new future project.

  It is now about one forty-five.

  I suddenly feel the pressure of the end of the day coming. No longer an open, expansive stretch of time, the day has turned into a vise, and it begins squeezing my head.

  I start to feel desperate.

  Like a moth drawn to a camping lantern, I am pulled into a new tab of the endless Internet.

  It leads to more videos and news stories.

  I turn to Twitter to drum up some conversation. I want to feel better.

  And I think, “This day is gone. I am gone, and I didn’t get a damned thing done.”

  I have been defeated by what Steven Pressfield calls Resistance. The insidious, sulphur-scented dragon of a beast whose sole intention is to suck all the intelligence, creativity, and goodness out of my body and heart.

  All that is left is a defeated shadow of my real self, with a stomachache and sugar hangover. Longing to go to sleep to start the day over again tomorrow.

  Resistance is fierce, and there are days wh
en it kicks my ass.

  It doesn’t have to.

  Productivity hacks among you could identify dozens of critical flaws in the way I start my day. You are probably right.

  We all need to study the beast and adjust our creative process so that we do not experience lost days.

  Do you ever have those moments?

  Amid the frantic rush between breakfast, school drop-offs, calls, e-mails, and deadlines, or after a stretch of mindless television or Internet surfing, you suddenly realize that time is slipping by. You might say to yourself: “This is how I am choosing to spend my time. My creativity, and the great ideas that are supposed to change my life, are slowly withering, along with my brain cells. Is this really how I want to spend my life?”

  What do you do when you are confronted with the realization that your life is finite? And that the way you are spending today really matters in the big scheme of things?

  You can choose to panic. Or, you can choose to be grateful for the lesson.

  And you can change.

  If you are not motivated to do something, try reminding yourself why it is important.

  What is at the root of the task at hand? Why will doing it benefit you, those you care about, and the world at large? How will this help you reach longer-term goals that are important to you?

  If you are not making progress, try changing up your pattern.

  I always know when I am going through a significant growth stage because I revert to mind-numbing activities to quell the fear. I read People magazine, spend too much time sharing motivational quotes on Facebook, or watch really bad television. When the pattern starts to drag on for a few days, it is important to change up your habits.

  Find a new way to approach a scary task. Break it into tiny little bits. Work from a totally different location. Ask someone to talk you through an idea so you gain a new perspective and get out of your own head. Go for a walk. Draw a picture of the solution, instead of trying to write about it. Dance wildly to AC/DC or Jay Z instead of listening to your favorite classical music. Anything that will stop the unproductive pattern from repeating.

  If you don’t feel joy in the goals you have set for yourself, try changing your goals.

  Are you tired of striving for accolades, promotions, or respect in your field? Do you pour yourself into each endeavor with great focus, only to feel kind of hollow when you succeed? Do you chair every PTA committee, go to Lego-building marathons with your kids, bake your own gluten-free bread, and still feel like a crappy parent?

  Maybe you need to go chase fireflies.

  Blackfoot warrior and orator Crowfoot said, “What is life? It is the flash of fireflies in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow that runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.”

  If you are waiting for the perfect time to lose weight, write a book, start a business, or find a mate, try starting now.

  It will never be the perfect time to do anything. Take tiny steps in a new direction. Stop eating doughnuts for breakfast, and eat cereal instead. Create a Word document with the chapter headings, and write one paragraph of foolish nonsense. Put up a really ugly sales page with a two-paragraph description of your service and a PayPal button. Go on a Sierra Club hike.

  If you are desperately searching for the answer to one question and not finding it, try asking another question.

  “What is my passion?” or “What business should I start?” create despair in the hearts of many people. Try asking, “What am I thoroughly grateful for today?” or “What can I count on to make me happy, regardless of what is going on in my life?” (My kids, my dogs, my Peet’s coffee.)

  There is no right answer. There is only the opportunity to be aware of the tremendous blessing we have to wake up each day, breathe fresh air, and watch a shadow dance across the grass until it is swallowed up by the sun.

  Hallelujah anyway

  Anne Lamott, author of Bird by Bird, dispensed this advice about getting over procrastination after years of listening to her writing students make excuses about why they couldn’t make time to write every day:

  The answer is simple: you decide to. Then you push back your sleeves and start writing. . . . And it will be completely awful. . . . And to that, I say, Welcome. That’s what it’s like to be a writer. . . . At my church, we sing a gospel song called “Hallelujah Anyway.” Everything’s a mess, and you’re going down the tubes financially, and gaining weight? Well, Hallelujah anyway.

  If there is one thing I know for sure from the twenty-plus years I have been coaching both martial arts and business, it is that with the right motivation and drive, people can make astounding, unexpected, nearly miraculous change. So if you have been stuck in an unfulfilling career for years, if you have wanted to write a book but never get to it, if you want to stop smoking, get in shape, or repair your fractured relationship with your ex-husband so that you can both be better parents, please know that it is possible to change. You just have to develop ways to quickly shift your mind-set when you get stuck.

  Flip on your winner switch

  My mixed martial arts teacher, Kelly, said, “Go!” and four of us who were lying on our backs flipped over on our stomachs and dove for the two black training pads that were sitting in the center of the mat.

  “Fight for it!” he yelled, as we wrestled each other for control.

  I twisted and clutched a corner of the pad, trying to pull it away from my formidable opponent. She pinned me against the floor, and I felt my forehead break into a sweat as I shifted my hips to try and knock her off-balance so I could weaken her hold.

  After one minute, we were getting tired, but we kept at it.

  “Time!” he yelled.

  My chest heaving, I gave my opponent a high five.

  “Some of you are holding back in your training,” said Master. “You need to realize that you are playing to win. When you are faced with a real-life situation when someone has your back on the ground, you will be fighting for your life. Are you going to fight halfway then?”

  Then he said, “You have to learn to flip on your winner switch.”

  A lightbulb went on in my head.

  So many people who are in the middle of a big creative project get racked with self-doubt about their ability to deliver the goods. This makes perfect sense—if you haven’t done something before, you cannot be certain that you will do it well.

  The only answer is to flip on your winner switch.

  The winner switch is:

  focusing your complete attention and energy on the task at hand.

  recalling times when you have been successful in the past, and harnessing this positive state of mind.

  setting the intention to deliver killer results.

  doing your very best to complete the task, even when your face is being smashed into the ground and you are clearly outmatched.

  Remember that the only way to get better is to train like a winner, getting expert feedback along the way. The more you train, the better you get, and the more you have winning results, the better you can surf the fear.

  Exercise: How to Flip On Your Winner Switch

  When you feel stuck or fearful, you need to learn quick ways to change your mood and regain your confidence. Follow these steps, and notice a dramatic change in your results.

  1.Create a “motivating music” playlist.

  Choose music that gets you motivated. As a martial artist, I am always inspired to get focused by Rocky III’s anthem “Eye of the Tiger.” You may enjoy heavy metal, hip-hop, or relaxing music that gets you in the creative flow.

  2.Remove all distractions.

  Turn off your phone, clean your desk, and disable social media so you can totally focus on the task at hand.

  3.Describe your task in clear, specific terms.

  Instead of getting overwhelmed wit
h a big task like “write a book,” break it down into a feasible, specific set of steps like “edit chapters seven and eight.”

  4.Recall an instance of excellent performance.

  Describe the details of a time when you executed a task and had excellent results, like turning in a paper that got an A+ or delivering a killer client presentation or finishing a marathon in record time. Note how you felt after your accomplishment.

  5.Set a specific goal for your performance.

  Write in specific terms, like “I will deliver a powerful and compelling talk to the twenty-five Realtors at the meeting” or “I will write a clear e-mail of apology to my unhappy customer, which will address his concerns and calm his anger.”

  6.Jump into the work for a short burst of time, in a maximum of fifteen-minute segments. Give it your all.

  Do not judge your work while you are doing it. The important thing is to take your positive mind-set and clear goal and do the very best you can.

  Fear is an essential part of the creative process. Work with it, and you will create a powerful, full-color, full-contact body of work.

  CHAPTER 7

  Collaborate

  You will have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.

  —Zig Ziglar

  Kyle Durand had accomplished a lot during his twenty years in the navy, his career as a postdoctorate tax attorney, and through his hobby of extreme sports. He had been deployed four times to the Middle East and had experienced two wars, had helped businesspeople untangle all kinds of legal messes, and had run a double marathon in South Africa for fun.

  But he couldn’t figure out how to bring his software idea to life.

  As an attorney, he would draft legal agreements and e-mail them to his clients for review and signing. Often they would be agreements his clients would share with their clients, who would inevitably have edits and changes to the contract.